I’ve been toying with the idea of this blog for some time. I wasn’t quite sure how to tell my story or if I should even tell it. But, I have found the courage to do so in hopes that my story will help you better navigate your life , especially when dealing with your past and futures filled with love.
I must warn you, this blog may make you cry. It may even make you angry, but no matter your emotional state I hope you find a lesson within my journey. I’ve also come to the conclusion that I may lose some of my readers, I hope I don’t, but if I do, I am okay with that.
Have you ever been so excited you cried or even wanted to scream from the top of a mountain? I’ve experienced this level of excitement on a recent trip to Cancun, Mexico with my husband, Anthony. We stayed at Now Jade, an all-inclusive resort. During our stay, I remember my husband constantly asking me if I was enjoying the trip and until this day I’ve wondered why. Could he not see the excitement in my eyes? Could he not hear they joy in my voice?
I didn’t know the answers to my questions until just recently. I found myself sitting at the table pouring my heart out and at the time I didn’t care if anyone was listening. According to some, my life was perfect. It has been said ‘I was given everything,’ BUT I beg to differ. As I sat there my whole life story spewed from my mouth like hot lava from a volcano. I spoke of having many “fathers” and living from pillow to post with family members, in hotels and even cars. Everything came out. I recalled being raped of my childhood and having to step forward to fill shoes that were too big while being raped in my childhood.
Why couldn’t he see me smiling? Was there something wrong with his eyes?
My life was perfect growing up can’t you see. My life was filled with so many memories. From being beat up throughout middle school and high school to being bullied and called names because of the life I was dealt. I remember calloused hands and bulging biceps from filling and carrying buckets of water from my neighbors’ home to take a bath.
I was laughing didn’t he see?
Back to the perfection at hand. Don’t you see I was spoiled? I was covered in glitter and gold. I remember being an athlete. I remember breaking records and having my walls covered with medals and ribbons. I also remember losing them all – all because my life was so “couture.”
That life wasn’t for me. As I sat there at the table I realized my husband was listening to me. Have you ever seen a manly man cry? My husband cried for me. He embraced me. He felt my smile on the inside. I was free. I. Am. Free! This vacation and visitation reminded me that old life wasn’t for me.
You may ask why am I telling my readers this? And here is your answer.
As you journey to find your soulmate, your one true and pure love, I want you to remember to let go of the old and embrace the new. Give it your all! That love you didn’t receive from your father or mother because they weren’t there, let if fuel you to love your future spouse that much more. I want you to know that no one is perfect. We all have our story. It is up to you to know how that story plays its role in your life. You can learn and grow from it or you can allow it to suck you in. If you choose the latter be prepared for a continued hard road. But if you choose growth, be prepared to watch your life flourish.
I challenge each of you reading this to fall in love with love. To show yourself and the ones around you how powerful love is. I challenge you to ignite the fire deep within you and share your deepest thoughts with your fiancé, spouse and friends. Let your story be a building block.
I know this story was a bit intimate and maybe you feel as if I should have kept it to myself, but I truly hope this helps someone. Be blessed and continue to grow and show your love.
Principal Planner, Magnolia Rose Company
P.S. He can now see my smile!